Be Your Own Competitor

What is the saying, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, water your own? It will always be greener on the other side if you are not tending to your own? I may of made that last part up, but how true if you aren’t tending to your own lawn, it will always be greener on the other side!

My Mom often told me, you can do your best, but you don’t know what the competition will be. Just work on you, that’s all you can do. True that Mom! Be your own competitor. If you constantly measure, compare and reflect on the competition you lose your focus. Be grateful for the opportunity and in her words just worry about yourself.

Acceptance

Acceptance seeks understanding, truth, reflection, change, empathy, patience and grace.

Acceptance can be a challenge when we may disagree with another person’s, actions, views and overall being. Acceptance allows us to seek to agree or disagree. Acceptance isn’t weak, but strength when we are forced to accept the situation for what it is and decide our truth. Truth comes from how we choose to rewrite the ending by taking action. Empathy and grace for ourselves and others allow us to step out and make a change as small as it may be. Our choices contribute to a change for the better.

Truth is when we can can’t change a situation, we can change our attitude and adjust our thinking. Adjusting our thinking to contribute to a positive change takes a great deal of patience and reflection. Getting out of our own way and not getting stuck in our feelings. The will that our way isn’t the only way, but recognizing we are better together. Together we can accept our differences and learn with a little bit of grace, compassion and empathy.

Are we really in it together?

Keeping this short and simple because it is.

“We are in this together.” You’ve probably heard this recently from a well meaning person. Are we really in it together? It’s nice to say and think, but everyone’s situation is so different during these months.

When I think about it, what we can be “in together” is acceptance, grace and compassion. Honoring that everyone’s feelings, views, situations are different. Accepting that everyone has a vastly different opinion and embracing it with compassion and having grace to accept and not to judge. Sounds easy, right? It is, but it becomes complicated when ego gets in the way, but guess what that’s grace and compassion. Grace and compassion, not only for others, but yourself. We are in it together with a little bit of grace, compassion, love and acceptance.

Let your pain be your teacher.

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I’ve learned in time everyone’s story of grief and loss is so different. Everyone’s journey through grief is so unique, but even though the path we all take varies,  a loss is a heartache that runs deep and never quite heals but in time mends. The pain of losing my Mom to Non Hodgkins Lymphoma has been one of my best teachers, who knew, I would be thankful for death and cancer, in time and on my journey, I am now thankful because it has proven to be my best teacher.  My Mom was a person who was a thoughtful straight shooter that always had compassion in getting the point across, a true gem whose joyful spirit radiated when she walked into a room. I think I received one of the best compliments last week and I owe it to my Mom and family, someone said, “you are always so thoughtful and always have very good points.” Thanks Bert! I am thankful to my family, Mom, loss and grief, here are a few lessons that have kept me better not bitter.

1. Sing and don’t take yourself serious! My Mom would sing in the morning when my sister and I were little getting ready for school, “Rise and shine, give God your glory, glory. Rise and shine and give God your glory, glory, children of the Lord.” Bob, Bob, Bob, BarbaraAnn, BarbaraAnn, went to the dance, looking for romance, saw BarbaraAnn so I thought I’d take a chance, BarbaraAnn. She sang and you could feel her joy! She had dun nicknames for people and things, you could feel her love! Keep it fun.

2. If you made the commitment, then keep it, it’s the right thing to do. This is a value I honor in others and guess what she’s right, I find the people who do are good people and it speaks volumes.

3. You allow people to treat you the way they do, you teach them how to treat you. Thanks Mom, she could pick out the truth and just made you feel better, but you left her better. She is so right, I place value on this now, so much more than I did in the past and it really has helped me to see the true beauty in people and what needs to stop. You can’t change people, embrace them, don’t take it personal or move on if you don’t feel respected. Respect yourself, you are important.

4. Your time is important too, people need boundaries. Years ago, Oprah coined the term “disease to please” I believe, I may have had that disease, but happy to say I am finally cured!!!! Everyone is important, their time, their job, but  you need to put value on your own and speak your truth with grace. And, nothing is that important!

5. Don’t take things personally, you never know someone’s situation. Try to be understanding and don’t feel bad you might not be able to help them. You can’t do everything.

6. It’s not always what you say, but how you say it.

7. Sometimes you need deer reflectors. I never knew if the plastic deer reflectors on the front of my car worked, but when I looked at them I felt loved. Thanks Mom!  Celebrate, little things, bringing people together, including others, valuing yourself.

8. It’s not about being front and center. My Mom didn’t need attention, she did thoughtful things for people because she wanted too. Do it because you want too, not because you need recognition, people will see in time.

9. You can’t complain, if you are not going to speak up, but be careful how you say it. Appreciate what you have, but get the point across.

10. Sometimes it’s ok to eat McDonald’s for dinner!

Better not bitter, use your grief and loss as your guide and know your loved one wants you better not bitter!

Peace in the Positive

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“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

We’ve all heard this quote and maybe have said it, but beauty in my opinion is what we radiate not just what is seen to the eye.

Beauty is truth, genuine interest,  being present in a situation,  gratitude, kindness, concern, understanding, quiet, confidence, peace, balance, purpose,  not taking situations personally and surrounding yourself with positivity and disconnecting from those situations that contain no purpose and leave you drained.
 
How can I radiate these beautiful qualities? Be in competition with your self and have patience to create your best self by being true to yourself.

After my Mom passed away and life has gone on with many experiences and events mixed in, I have little to no patience for negative,  ungrateful,  selfish behaviors. It irritated me at times that I didn’t,  but I could not help my unwavering need for screaming inside and growing impatient.  How could I deal with this?  It took a lot of time to find balance. Balance means something different for everyone.  I will say I found peace in the positive which allowed me to radiate beauty. 

What is peace in the positive? The value I place on those things that bring beauty which brings peace. Peace in the positive, being true to you, trusting your intuition and surrounding yourself with positivity.