Safe at Shore

Are you the type of person that eases your way into the ocean, little by little or standing at the shore enjoying the beach? Or, are you all in? Diving into the water convincing yourself you will feel warmer by just diving in? Both of these ideas take some convincing of our own. Come on, just do it, or I wonder if there are shells!

Sometimes, the more I talk to myself, the more I stay at the shore not walking to take the plunge. Time and time again, I think to myself if someone fighting cancer can get up, show up and keep a positive attitude then I can do this! My Mom, even in her last months woke up with a purpose and never felt sorry for herself. It’s funny because prior to getting sick, my Mom never held a grudge or complained. Thinking back, I don’t think complaining was ever an option. The options were; if something is bothering you, make a change and if you can’t, change the way you think about it. In her words, stop talking about it and do something. Take action whether you are diving in or safe at the shore, see the beauty and believe in your thoughts and actions.

Acceptance

Acceptance seeks understanding, truth, reflection, change, empathy, patience and grace.

Acceptance can be a challenge when we may disagree with another person’s, actions, views and overall being. Acceptance allows us to seek to agree or disagree. Acceptance isn’t weak, but strength when we are forced to accept the situation for what it is and decide our truth. Truth comes from how we choose to rewrite the ending by taking action. Empathy and grace for ourselves and others allow us to step out and make a change as small as it may be. Our choices contribute to a change for the better.

Truth is when we can can’t change a situation, we can change our attitude and adjust our thinking. Adjusting our thinking to contribute to a positive change takes a great deal of patience and reflection. Getting out of our own way and not getting stuck in our feelings. The will that our way isn’t the only way, but recognizing we are better together. Together we can accept our differences and learn with a little bit of grace, compassion and empathy.

It’s not right, but it’s ok!

There is a Whitney Houston song that goes a little something like this, “it’s not right, but it’s ok…..I am going to make it anyway…..” Yes, the song was Whitney’s way of asserting herself and her independence after a break up.  However, more and more, I think about the loss of my Mom, a woman who was just a pure joy, insightful, loving, real woman to be around, a person that you could feel her love, warmth, compassion for you while in her presence.  I am the kind of person that has to find the “why” or the “lesson” in life’s moments, some times it takes awhile, but like my Mom, there was no feeling sorry, it is what it is. In fact, my Mom even said, she was blessed in life and this is what God gave her to do, cancer. As life goes on, I think about the why a lot. Yes, there are moments of sadness, I wish my Mom were here to see, do, feel. She does and she is here, in spirit with all the people who loved her and whom she loved.  What about the why? Why was such a wonderful person made to suffer through cancer and leave this Earth too soon with so much left to do? I believe, she did it, she served God’s purpose for herself and her family and all that loved her. She was so brave and positive in her fight against cancer and truly did all she could. Which is exactly how she lived her life, doing all she could in a positive way. Now, she is an Angel. I still struggle at times, with why and how was a person as good as my Mom taken so soon, but like Whitney said, it’s not right, but it’s ok. I feel in some way, we are better for the love and legacy my Mom left behind, better than ok. She did more than fulfill God’s purpose, she left us with more purpose because of the person she was and the love she shared.

Uninvited Guest, Life of the Party! Cancer

Cancer. A word, a thought, a prayer, a feeling, a distance, but never a reality.

My ideas that lingered around the word Cancer were vague because Cancer was something that happened to other people. When I heard it did, I felt sad and prayed for them and kept them in thought. That was it; a thought and a prayer. A thought and a prayer that I never understood until it showed up uninvited and brought the party to life.

A thought and a prayer, misunderstood and uninvited and there we were living among my Mom’s cancer diagnosis and she brought the party to life. Her Cancer, was very unexpected, she had no prior symptoms until she stood up and her right tibia broke. Why? How? Exactly. Uninvited.

Cancer, uninvited. It took time to get to the diagnosis of Non Hodgkins Lymphoma Large Cell B Diffuse and in that time, many thoughts went through my mind, the worst, the best and disbelief. Push your thoughts aside and realize Cancer, whatever the name, whatever the diagnosis is a journey, a personal journey that no person, story, blog, movie, TV show will and can prepare you for.

Cancer, the uninvited guest, taught me that everyone’s cancer, diagnosis, situation is completely different, but what I can say is that keeping faith in God, having a positive, willing outlook and being realistic with this uninvited guest brings the party to life.

Cancer, is sad, overwhelming, unrelenting, but it doesn’t have to win, it will win if you allow it. Cancer, is love, understanding, joy, faith, self care, abundance of everything you thought you never wanted.

A word, a thought, a prayer, a feeling, a distance, a reality that you are unprepared for as my Mom would say, you never know until you are in the situation and that is ok, so you really can’t judge, but just keep an open mind.

Keep an open mind with this uninvited guest and realize it can be the life of the party!