My Mom passed away from Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma Large Cell B Diffuse, just 13 months after she was diagnosed after her only symptom of standing up and breaking her Tibia bone. She endured 13 months of treatment with a great deal of grace, laughter, bravery and strength all of which she embodied. I was so fortunate to have such a loving, supportive, realistic, brave, kind, gentle, hard working Mom whom I called a friend. There are so many memories and lessons she brought to all that knew her during her lifetime. My blog is a place where I hope to share the light of who she was, as well as the memories and lessons that she brought to us during her life and battle with cancer through stories and tidbits of love, joy, laughter and realism.
During a summer in college I worked as a “temp”. In other words, I was a temporary employee for the summer at a trucking company’s office. I know, don’t be jealous. The paperwork and filing were absolutely glamorous. I hated every second of it in a kinda glamorous way. Office work, sitting at a desk all day was definitely not for me. I did enjoy the air conditioning during the hot summer days, but would wishfully hope for the phone to ring just to have something to do. Honestly, I was fortunate to work in an office with people who were appreciative I was there or should I say they were happy someone else would answer the phone and open the mail. Glamorous see!
Ok, everyday I would plan out my 15 min. break, 30 minute lunch break. Those moments were the absolute highlights because I could officially leave my desk and not even pretend I needed to fill up my water bottle to get up. Remember, I said I hated it, but tried to make the most of it. My note taking, filing speed and understanding of trucking companies improved over the summer, but guess what there was no reward. It was my job, but I still hated it but remained grateful and did my best. I think this short term summer job made me realize a few things, one I hated office work, did I mention that? Grateful I had a job, but realizing an office isn’t the best fit for me.
The last 2 weeks, I’m so grateful I have a job, but flashback to that summer and realized a few things. I need to seize those 15, 30 minute breaks for my sanity. It’s ok, to feel grateful and not like the situation, but it’s not ok to let it get the best of you. Plan out your day, breaks, and make the best out of it and look forward to the fact that it’s temporary. Better days are coming!
One of the best lessons my Mom taught us was the get or have? I think, this directlty relates to the fact that complaining was never a “thing” we took part in. Of course, my sister and I complained, I don’t like this or do I have to? The response was, you get to, you don’t have to, but you are lucky you have the opportunity, it’s your choice to make the best of it. I remember, as a new teacher, I complained to my Mom one day and said, the kids aren’t listening! She listened to my frustration, but said what are you doing to teach them how to listen, you are the teacher. She was right. As she said that day, you have an opportunity how are you going to use it?
That’s it, every moment is an opportunity, how are you choosing to use it? Do you have to get up for work every morning or do you get the opportunity to work at something you enjoy and chose!
As I looked up at the sky, I thought how awesome. The light of this full moon weaving in and out of the clouds trying it’s best to shine its’ light. Then, it made me think about living through a pandemic and recent news. Sadness, distraught, disappointment, social unrest, sad and disheartening news when we look at social media, news outlets, and unfortunately for some people at times when encountering each other.
When I think back from now until March of 2020, sometimes things seem a blur. That’s not good enough. For me, there are so many blessings during the past year I can reflect on, so many and I’m thankful. However, I find myself taking inventory of what matters and even though we are in a pandemic the blur needs to he refreshed with purpose. This is our reality and how am I keeping purpose?
There are always choices; stay on the sideline or get in the game. I think at some point of the pandemic I’ve been on the sideline getting through a pandemic; going through the motions trying to stay positive. It’s time to get in the game; whether you are the quarterback, goalie, kicker or catcher how will you contribute. Making the effort to cut social media browsing, volunteering in my community, looking into giving reiki at a local organization safely and overall forward thinking. Get in the game safely of course, find your purpose, make a small change and watch it’s domino effect. Yes, sometimes I’ll be cheering from the sidelines sharing the light. Yes, live your life safely, smart during the pandemic, but for me I’m filling the blur with purpose.
What is the saying, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, water your own? It will always be greener on the other side if you are not tending to your own? I may of made that last part up, but how true if you aren’t tending to your own lawn, it will always be greener on the other side!
My Mom often told me, you can do your best, but you don’t know what the competition will be. Just work on you, that’s all you can do. True that Mom! Be your own competitor. If you constantly measure, compare and reflect on the competition you lose your focus. Be grateful for the opportunity and in her words just worry about yourself.
When the road seems tough and you feel like you just can’t take one more step. Detour. Stay releastic, hard is ok, but giving up isn’t. Remain steady in your journey and don’t lose sight of your why and always find grace for yourself and others. jrs