The Value in Loss

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My Mom was a person who valued people and time. She valued the relationships she had with others with respect, respectful honesty, thoughtfulness, insight, intelligence, humor and love.  Some people may say, one sees something “very black and white”, my Mom did just that but with a lot of understanding and compassion.  She had the uncanny ability to see a situation for what it was and was able to offer so much comfort and joy to all of those in her presence.  When you were in her presence you were surrounded with a sense of love and joy.  A true problem solver that had a way to speak the truth without creating disrespect or meaningful hurt.  Friends and family were amazed at how “strong” she was during her fight against Lymphoma that she didn’t complain but, did what she had to do to courageously fight her illness, that is just who she was.  I’ll never forget, while she was on Hospice, many friends and family wanted to say their good byes and well wishes and in even her last days  she greeted everyone with a smile.  Some people may say this is a rare gem, it was and I do miss that a lot, however like I said there is so much value in a loss. As my Mom once said, no one knows or understands the situation until you are in it, so you can’t judge.  Yes, I am sharing this and maybe you are thinking, well of course she was your Mom, you would feel that way.  If my Mom weren’t my Mom, she would of been my friend.  One of the greatest memories of her viewing was meeting her clients, people that I didn’t know and hearing how deeply they were genuinely touched by her and feeling the love they had for her was priceless. Just last week, someone said to me, your Mom was the kind of person that could put two enemies in a room together and she would have them coming out of the room hugging each other. Value in a loss.

 

“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln

 

 

Value in a loss. How? Your life is your legacy.  Abraham Lincoln said “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”  As History proves over and over, we learn from our past. Yes, we mourn the loss of those that have touched us deeply, but there comes a time that we bring the value of the loss to the surface.  Being strong is who she was,  it was her character. Strength is a character, however it is our choice to exercise it. The character of her being had so much value. The interesting thing is that her character lives on more deeply now.  I was told by a wonderful grief counselor, you will never be the same, especially after suffering the loss of a Mother, but you will in time see the value. Yes, I see and appreciate the value of the loss. The value of my time and how I spend it. The value of what is acceptable and what is not. The value of tolerance among reality.  The value of respect and thoughtfulness. The value of compassion and understanding. However, I’ve learned to not get the value mixed up in expectation either. You are who you are,  as my Mom once said, you can’t always expect others to do as you would, you are who you are, that is a gift, but you become smarter of what is acceptable and through experience.  Becoming wise with the gift of the value she left behind, that is what I would like to believe and that it can only become richer in time.

 

Helen Keller — ‘What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, For all that we love deeply becomes a part of us.’

 

 

Yes, I value all the qualities of Roberta and I value those qualities in myself and others not as a victim, not as feeling entitled, but appreciating the gift in time and seeing its true value.

17 thoughts on “The Value in Loss

  1. There is value in loss – beautifully written! It has been over ten years since my mother passed away also from cancer. Still today I am moved and humbled by people who share stories of her and her kindness. Each has their own special memory and while I don’t look for or expect them, I will never grow tired of hearing them. Those memories are so special and purer, no one can ever take them from you and may you find comfort from them!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for following my blog. I am inspired by your words of discovering the “gifts” that we receive from all experiences…whether one of sorrow or joy. All our experiences make us stronger and truer.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for sharing. What a lovely post. Have you read the book “The end of your life book club?” – it is a brilliant account written by a son whose mother is dying of cancer and their time together before her death, it is poignant, beautifully written and honest.

    Liked by 1 person

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